A Cornucopia of Colt 45

What do Americans do when they stumble upon a great thing? That's right, they fuck around with it. That's not to say that all these permutations are unpleasant things, but on the other hand, let us not forget New Coke and Pepsi Clear.

Despite the unimpeachable quality of the base product, the liquid engineers at Colt 45 tinkered and fiddled. Here you will find an ode to the various incarnations of Colt 45 and some of my personal thoughts on each.

	The original Colt 45 malt liquor. The bottle's seen some changes over the years, ring tab cans to classic forty ounce bottles, to forty-five ounce bottles, to forty-five ounce widemouths, to forty ounce widemouths, to classic forty ounce bottles. What it look like? Ain't nothing changed but the weather.
	Remember the ice craze of the late eighties/early nineties? Well, not even this proud trademark is above fads. Colt 45 rolled its ice offering out with the rest and, like the rest, it was stronger than the original. Colt Ice didn't dick around. It was not a thing to be trifled with.
	Colt 45 Double Malt: a rare find, but still available on the market today. A nice change of pace from the original. It has a very St. Ides feel to it. Seriously, how could you possibly go wrong with double the malt?
	This is a particularly interesting incarnation: mentholated Colt 45. I can't fathom why they don't make it any more... Since you can't buy it, I've developed a method to recreate the experience: Stuff a pack of Kools into a regular forty and shake it up. Voila, mentholated malt liquor.
	Colt 45 Light Beer? What the fuck? I'm not gonna dignify this.
	Colt 45 PowerMaster: The antithesis of Colt 45 Light. Perhaps they were trying to make up for something. Never keen on the spirit of the First Amendment, the feds shut down this marketing ploy, something about prohibitions against promoting beverages based on a heightened alcohol content. Colt 45 PowerMaster, we hardly knew ye.